Growing Beyond Home
Growing Beyond the Place That Raised You
What does it really mean to leave home?
For some, it’s a rite of passage, an exciting step toward independence. But for others, leaving isn’t just about moving out. It’s about breaking free. It’s about stepping away from a space that no longer feels safe, stepping into uncertainty, and learning to trust yourself through it all.
In this personal piece, our friend Cadence reflects on the bittersweet reality of leaving behind the only home she’s ever known — a place filled with both familiarity and pain. She shares the raw truth of facing doubt, guilt, and the weight of expectations, while also discovering what it truly means to build a home of her own.
It’s hard to put into words the transition of leaving home. I wasn’t going far, I wasn’t leaving the country. But I was leaving a toxic living situation — a place where I felt trapped. Moving out on my own, without support, was difficult and something I had always pushed off for many reasons. Financial concerns were a big one, which is understandable for anyone. But at what point does staying become too much?
Over time, the home I lived in with my family slowly stopped feeling like home. As my mom and siblings left, it was just me and my dad, and the transition was hard on everyone. The house felt emptier. I stayed for a long time for many reasons, and in some ways, I’m glad I did — as the eldest daughter, I felt a responsibility. But at what point was I sacrificing my mental health to stay in an environment I had outgrown?
Leaving felt like grieving.
Denial; I didn’t want to leave, in a way. I knew I could, but why would I? I wasn’t paying rent, so I convinced myself that the toxicity wasn’t that bad. I denied, denied, denied, until I finally felt how unhappy I was.
Anger; I was angry at the situation I was put in. Angry that I didn’t have my dad’s support to leave, even though I was no longer wanted in the house I thought was my home. Once I realized I was truly on my own in this decision, my mental health declined. Coming home no longer felt relieving—it felt draining and empty.
Acceptance; The moment I accepted that I had to leave was one morning in the kitchen, making a cup of coffee. Normally, this was a peaceful moment for me, the calm before the storm. But that day, my dad made it clear that I owed him for simply existing in that house. At that moment, I knew. I wasn’t welcome here anymore. And even though it was still my house, it wasn’t my home.
Of course, when I left, I had moments of doubt and uncertainty. The biggest fear was financial — could I really do this? I knew it wouldn’t be easy. But I’m grateful I found the courage to take this step, even without parental support. Because once I left, I knew I wasn’t coming back.
Moving into my own space was an adjustment, but it felt smooth. My roommates were welcoming, and this house felt warm – something I hadn’t felt in my childhood home for years. Slowly, the sense of home I had been searching for started to take root in this new place. But I realized that home isn’t about the house itself — it’s about the environment, the people, the feeling of stability and light.
Since moving, I’ve felt guilt. As a first-gen daughter with a toxic parent, I think they have a way of making you feel guilty for “leaving them,” even when they didn’t want you around. I expected this, but I also knew in my heart that this was the right decision for my growth. I didn’t let the guilt consume me — I pushed forward, knowing I was choosing me. I was breaking cycles, creating a future for myself, and that’s something I refuse to feel guilty for.
Leaving home was hard. I left the stability and structure I had known my whole life. Leaving without the support I wanted was even harder. But if my childhood home could talk, I think it would be proud of me for leaving. It would know how much I endured, how difficult this decision was. It would feel bittersweet, just like it does for me; because I didn’t want to leave, but I knew I had to.
the flower blooming in Cadence’s new space <3
Adjusting to a new life has been strange but freeing. Rediscovering myself in an environment of positivity has been rewarding. It hasn’t been easy, and some days, I wonder if I can really do this on my own. But if I could give anyone advice, it would be this:
If you feel called to leave, do it.
Don’t overthink the “what-ifs” or the reasons to stay. If something inside you is telling you to go — go. Do it for yourself. Do it for the cycles you’ll break. Do it for your future self, who will look back and thank you for choosing you.
Written by Cadence Melendez.
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To Cadence, thank you for sharing your story with us. May this one inspire, and push us all one step closer to choosing ourselves. Reminder: it is your life to live. No one else’s.
Change is hard, never easy, yet inevitable! When we change, we grow. If nothing changes, then nothing changes.
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